I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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