Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
