My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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