Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize