a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize