This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
