Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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