sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
