Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
