Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
