Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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