my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
