nut hugger
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
