remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
