I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize