I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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