My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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