Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
