Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
