I just pynch a tree in the face
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
