your thong is hanging out like whoa
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
