genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
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