He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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