we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize