Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We need to get me chipped asap
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
