Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
