Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize