Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
