the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
