My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No subtext here. People are naked.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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