yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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