I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
