he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
40s are totally the cure
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
