Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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