I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
