Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
