Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
