I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
