i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
