Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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