***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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