I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
false alarm, still single
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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