Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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