I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
