I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
