I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
