guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
