My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
