dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
