hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
