I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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