If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
