come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
