I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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