Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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