My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
