When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
