I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
