K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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