I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
