Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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