I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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