Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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