sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
