I need help removing her.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
