she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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