I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
