if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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