last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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