Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
