I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
