Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
